As you found out recently, I don’t get to play with knives anymore. Well the other night I was washing the dishes and look what I happened to be cleaning all at the same time. 
That’s right, sharp knives! I managed to escape unscathed this time, but join me next week when I wash more sharp knives!
-Trent
I’ve been sick with a cold for the last week or so and consequently I’ve had to blow my nose a lot. Blowing your nose, as you may know, does not require a whole lot of skill. Simply place a tissue or toilet paper or someone else’s sleeve in front of your nose and blow out through your nostrils. Did I screw this up? You bet I did!
I placed a tissue in front of my nose and managed to not secure to to my face. Snot shot out in front of me…everywhere. I happened to be at work, so that included my keyboard, mouse, computer, desk, and even clothes. It was a doozy. Normally this would be considered a small failure, but then you have to realize I did this 3 times…consecutively!
-Trent
I get a lot of text messages. Most of them are from twitter (*COUGH* @mchandphoto *COUGH COUGH*) (*COUGH* @failhardblog), but occasionally I get one from a real person. It’s awesome, but sometimes it’s a wrong number.
I’ll wake up, turn on my phone and I’ll get a text that says: “hey sweetie, how are ya? 
” Naturally I’m perplexed, and somewhat excited. I’ll respond with something witty, or as witty as I can muster after waking up, and then wait for a response. And the response is always the same, “who is this?” Crap. I’ll tell them and they’ll tell me they screwed up and sent the first text to the wrong person.
I don’t know why I get those, but I do. And I know you do too.
Frankly I’m surprised that those out-weigh the ones wherein the sender DOESN’T KNOW MY NAME. “Hey, is this Tom?” You mean Yom? “Oh yeah that’s what I meant lol. how ya doin buddy?” Buddy? YOU DON’T KNOW MY NAME!!! “Hey Mark, it’s [whoever] from [where ever]“ It’s Mike actually. Who are you? If they tell my their name, and they’re not a girl, I’ll screw up their name. It’s fun.
-Yom
Yup, believe it! I learned the hard way and I am no longer allowed to use knives. I was using my then-girlfriend, now wife’s pocket knife to open a package of some sort. I opened up the pocket knife, placed the blade on the item and then pressed firmly on the pocket knife. As you might have guessed, I had the blade facing towards me and I was now bleeding. Normally this is where the story would end, but no. I bandaged myself up and went back to opening this package(it must’ve been important). I go to open the package and do the exact same thing, blade facing the wrong way. Fortunately my bandaged finger didn’t get cut worse, but my wife won’t let me use any sharp objects since that day.
-Trent
This story takes place in the same area as the Stuck in the Snow story. This time it was summer, and I wasn’t in a truck, I was on a 3-wheeler that I bought for $250. Now 3-wheelers were banned for a reason, they are unsafe…blah, blah, blah. But this time, it was my own stupidity that caused this fail. It was Sunday and while still in my church clothes I decided to take the 3-wheeler out for a quick spin. Nobody would service these things so it had it’s problems, but the biggest problem was no tire tread. The tires were all bald, but it made it easy to do burnouts on. It also made it impossible to traverse mud with it.
Knowing fully about my tire situation, I decide to tackle some mud. Turns out it’s the kind of mud that sucks you down as soon as you get in it. This 3-wheeler was now up to it’s axles in mud. Me, I’ve got my nice church clothes on and no cell phone on me. Time to jump in the mud and start pulling. It took roughly 30 minutes of tugging and pulling and getting nowhere before someone happened to drive by and pulled it out with their 4-wheeler. On the way down, the caked on mud was flung every which way until I was completely covered. Church clothes ruined, and no lesson learned as I tried again later to go through mud, but faster this time! It was mostly successful except for the thing tipping over upon exit.
-Trent
This one is great because I wasn’t the only one who failed here. I prefer to fail in groups. Anyway, it was a snowy day several years back and being bored, I decided to go off-roading in a nearby canyon. The truck I was in was completely stock and was not known for off-road prowess, but I was determined! Determination + stupid idea always = fail. This was no exception.
After tackling a couple small hills that had snow maybe 2-ft. deep and almost getting stuck a few times, I thought about heading back home. Instead, I pressed on going further up a hill into deeper snow. Yup, got stuck. No big deal because I had a shovel handy. After digging for a long, long time and getting nowhere, I called my step-brother. The same one from the belt fail story. He had a truck that was smaller than the truck I was in, but it had the factory off-road package, a lift, better tires, etc. He had no problem getting to me. He strapped a chain to the tow hook on my truck and to the tow hook on his and gave it a gentle tug. Nothing. The spinning of his tires started making it icy and he could get traction in that spot anymore. So he got some slack in the chain and tried yanking the truck out, nothing. I knew this was a bad idea, but I wanted this truck out and it was freezing. So he gets up to my bumper and floors it in reverse. SNAP! The tow hook rips off my truck and the chain ricochets back towards my step-brother’s truck and cracks the windshield, dents the fenders, hood, bumper, and…got the truck loose. Hooray, I was free! My step-brother…pissed! Did I learn my lesson, yes…bring more friends to help dig next time.
-Trent
