Remember this post how I blew snot everywhere? Well I’ve been sick the last couple days and it happened again…twice! And once, the snot ruined one shirt. No joke. Welcome to my awesomeness!
-Trent
Archive for the ‘Fail’ Category
Fail Hard: Snot Everywhere Pt. 2
Monday, June 7th, 2010
Fail Hard: Site Fail
Thursday, May 13th, 2010Some of you may have noticed the site was re-directing over the weekend. No harm was done, but it was really annoying and is now 100% back to normal. It was 90% back to normal on Monday, but I as you might have imagined, screwed up a php file and though the site was functioning, I couldn’t log in and post. Awesome, I know. Back to our regularly scheduled fails.
-Trent
Fail Hard: 5 Years to change a light bulb
Tuesday, May 4th, 2010I’ve lived in my current home for over 5 years now. There are some problems with it, it happens when the house is old. One plug doesn’t work in the basement and right above it is a light that doesn’t work. When I moved in, I changed a bulb out and got nothing. I moved on to other projects and finally got around to working on the basement again recently. Thinking the light was a lost cause, I decided to give another light bulb a try. Success! It only took me 5 years to figure out the light wasn’t broken, it just needed a new bulb. End of story right? Wrong.
Thinking I would’ve learned my lesson, changing the light bulb out in the hallway nearby that I thought didn’t work would seem like an obvious idea. Nope. Weeks went by where I’d walk through a dark hallway to get to a bathroom(again with no light, but the entire fixture was missing here). I’d done it for years, so it was nothing new. Tonight, I thought I’d put my new found knowledge to the test. Success again! This time it only took me a few weeks to figure out it needed a new bulb. Wisely, my wife was the one who installed the new light fixture in the basement…I’ve been shocked before.
-Trent
Fail Hard: Baking car headlights
Monday, April 12th, 2010Yes, this has fail written all over it. I’m into modifying cars, I like to make mine stand out from the other cars on the road. One thing I tried to do at one point was to bake my headlights. Sounds weird, but stay with me. The point is to soften the glue on the headlight surrounds, break it open, remove the ugly orange reflector piece, then glue it all back together.
This has been done successfully by thousands of people and instructions are all over the internet. I decided to tackle it. I followed the instructions exactly! It was going great, I went in the other room, but the timer was set. BEEP! The timer goes off and I went to open the oven to see…my headlights had melted. Apparently since I live at a higher altitude, it changes the time a bit and I’m supposed to sit and watch it. Therein lies the problem. I then had to spend $800 plus overnight shipping to get new headlights back in my car. Headlights belong on cars, not in ovens!
-Trent
Fail Hard: Babysitter gashed my eye open
Friday, April 9th, 2010Okay, okay, in fairness to the babysitter, she didn’t physically gash my open, but she did cause the chain of events that made me gash my eye open. From a young age, I really liked this girl that lived next door. I was young and in love(not really) and when I found out she was going to be my babysitter one night, I got excited, real excited. I was maybe 6 or 7 at the time, but I remember it rather vividly.
The night had come when I was going to get the whole evening to hang out with her. My parents had a nice evening planned out with friends and they deserved it after having put up with my failures. While I was bugging my parents as they got ready, I heard a glorious sound…the doorbell. I raced to the front door to see if it was her, and I saw that my sister had answered the door, so I raced back into my parents room to tell them they could leave. I took the corner into their bedroom really sharp(I was pretending I was a race car or something) and forgot about the dresser that was there. I managed to just catch the edge of the dresser…right above my eye. Gash! Blood! Night ruined! I managed to simultaneously ruin everyone’s evening in one fail. Babysitter didn’t get money for babysitting me, parents didn’t get to go out, and I still have a scar.
-Trent
Fail Hard: Snot Everywhere
Monday, March 29th, 2010I’ve been sick with a cold for the last week or so and consequently I’ve had to blow my nose a lot. Blowing your nose, as you may know, does not require a whole lot of skill. Simply place a tissue or toilet paper or someone else’s sleeve in front of your nose and blow out through your nostrils. Did I screw this up? You bet I did!
I placed a tissue in front of my nose and managed to not secure to to my face. Snot shot out in front of me…everywhere. I happened to be at work, so that included my keyboard, mouse, computer, desk, and even clothes. It was a doozy. Normally this would be considered a small failure, but then you have to realize I did this 3 times…consecutively!
-Trent
Text Message Fail
Thursday, March 25th, 2010I get a lot of text messages. Most of them are from twitter (*COUGH* @mchandphoto *COUGH COUGH*) (*COUGH* @failhardblog), but occasionally I get one from a real person. It’s awesome, but sometimes it’s a wrong number.
I’ll wake up, turn on my phone and I’ll get a text that says: “hey sweetie, how are ya? 
” Naturally I’m perplexed, and somewhat excited. I’ll respond with something witty, or as witty as I can muster after waking up, and then wait for a response. And the response is always the same, “who is this?” Crap. I’ll tell them and they’ll tell me they screwed up and sent the first text to the wrong person.
I don’t know why I get those, but I do. And I know you do too.
Frankly I’m surprised that those out-weigh the ones wherein the sender DOESN’T KNOW MY NAME. “Hey, is this Tom?” You mean Yom? “Oh yeah that’s what I meant lol. how ya doin buddy?” Buddy? YOU DON’T KNOW MY NAME!!! “Hey Mark, it’s [whoever] from [where ever]“ It’s Mike actually. Who are you? If they tell my their name, and they’re not a girl, I’ll screw up their name. It’s fun.
-Yom
Fail Hard: Knives are not toys
Monday, March 22nd, 2010Yup, believe it! I learned the hard way and I am no longer allowed to use knives. I was using my then-girlfriend, now wife’s pocket knife to open a package of some sort. I opened up the pocket knife, placed the blade on the item and then pressed firmly on the pocket knife. As you might have guessed, I had the blade facing towards me and I was now bleeding. Normally this is where the story would end, but no. I bandaged myself up and went back to opening this package(it must’ve been important). I go to open the package and do the exact same thing, blade facing the wrong way. Fortunately my bandaged finger didn’t get cut worse, but my wife won’t let me use any sharp objects since that day.
-Trent
Fail Hard: Stuck in the mud
Wednesday, March 17th, 2010This story takes place in the same area as the Stuck in the Snow story. This time it was summer, and I wasn’t in a truck, I was on a 3-wheeler that I bought for $250. Now 3-wheelers were banned for a reason, they are unsafe…blah, blah, blah. But this time, it was my own stupidity that caused this fail. It was Sunday and while still in my church clothes I decided to take the 3-wheeler out for a quick spin. Nobody would service these things so it had it’s problems, but the biggest problem was no tire tread. The tires were all bald, but it made it easy to do burnouts on. It also made it impossible to traverse mud with it.
Knowing fully about my tire situation, I decide to tackle some mud. Turns out it’s the kind of mud that sucks you down as soon as you get in it. This 3-wheeler was now up to it’s axles in mud. Me, I’ve got my nice church clothes on and no cell phone on me. Time to jump in the mud and start pulling. It took roughly 30 minutes of tugging and pulling and getting nowhere before someone happened to drive by and pulled it out with their 4-wheeler. On the way down, the caked on mud was flung every which way until I was completely covered. Church clothes ruined, and no lesson learned as I tried again later to go through mud, but faster this time! It was mostly successful except for the thing tipping over upon exit.
-Trent
Fail Hard: Stuck in the Snow
Thursday, March 4th, 2010This one is great because I wasn’t the only one who failed here. I prefer to fail in groups. Anyway, it was a snowy day several years back and being bored, I decided to go off-roading in a nearby canyon. The truck I was in was completely stock and was not known for off-road prowess, but I was determined! Determination + stupid idea always = fail. This was no exception.
After tackling a couple small hills that had snow maybe 2-ft. deep and almost getting stuck a few times, I thought about heading back home. Instead, I pressed on going further up a hill into deeper snow. Yup, got stuck. No big deal because I had a shovel handy. After digging for a long, long time and getting nowhere, I called my step-brother. The same one from the belt fail story. He had a truck that was smaller than the truck I was in, but it had the factory off-road package, a lift, better tires, etc. He had no problem getting to me. He strapped a chain to the tow hook on my truck and to the tow hook on his and gave it a gentle tug. Nothing. The spinning of his tires started making it icy and he could get traction in that spot anymore. So he got some slack in the chain and tried yanking the truck out, nothing. I knew this was a bad idea, but I wanted this truck out and it was freezing. So he gets up to my bumper and floors it in reverse. SNAP! The tow hook rips off my truck and the chain ricochets back towards my step-brother’s truck and cracks the windshield, dents the fenders, hood, bumper, and…got the truck loose. Hooray, I was free! My step-brother…pissed! Did I learn my lesson, yes…bring more friends to help dig next time.
-Trent
